Another Look
by Silver Sister
Summary: I love this scene. But when I was rereading it for about the 67,843,231th time, I thought: What could have been going through Nyneave head when this happened? So THIS was born. R&R, please. COMPLETE


(A look at this scene from a different view. This is one of my favorite scenes in all the books I have read so far, and as I was re-reading it, I began thinking: What was going through Nyneave's mind when this happened? All this came of it. Well. Anyway.)   
  


Disclaimer: I do not own anything of The Wheel Of Time, or even this scene. Yep, that's me: Can't even think up my own continuation of a story . . . at points I even steal whole sentences. Oh, well. Enjoy.   
  
  
  


_**~~~ **__**The Wheel of Time**__** ~~**_ ~

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**_

_**T**__**HE**____**S**__**HADOW **_

_**R**__**ISING**_   
  


_**Book Four, pages 268-271**_   
  
_**Love scene, Nyneave's view**_   
  
  
  


"I still cannot believe he would be so . . . so . . ." Egwene began in an angry mutter. Then the door crashed open, cutting off her words. 

Even though Nyneave could neither see nor feel it, she knew that the other two women had embraced the source. She had enough time to feel a pang of guilt--And fear--that she could not join them until she saw the man behind the door. When she saw Lan, all rational thought seemed to fly from her mind. 

Comprehension came slowly to her mind, her thoughts clearing ever-so-slightly. What was it about that man that made her so befuddled? He was angry. That was a great understatement. His eyes threatened lightning bolts--Towards her!--that seemed ready to strike, and his massive shoulders filled the doorway. 

Not that she was afraid. She could never be afraid of him, of course, but . . . he did not have to seem so threatening. Certainly not. She was suddenly very aware of how glad she was to have two women who could channel--At will, at least--in the room with her. Not that she was afraid. 

He had eyes only for her. Elayne and Egwene might as well have not existed. "You let me believe you were returning to Tar Valon," he rasped. 

She hurriedly tried to compose herself--Only to find that her face already dripped serenity. How had that happened? Surely, her face, her composure, would reveal the uncertainty and slight confusion that she felt. Slight. Light! She felt as though she was swimming in a pond filled with silverpike! 

Head raised calmly, eyes mild, she answered, "You may have believed it, but I never said it." She almost would have been angry. The man hadn't been supposed to find out! 

"Never said it?" A thunderstorm was mere compared to his eyes now. "Never said it! You spoke of leaving today, and always linked your leaving with those Darkfriends being sent to Tar Valon. Always! What did you mean me to think?" 

She scrambled through her mind for an answer, any answer, wondering at the calm in her pose. She wanted to calm him down, certainly. He was no good like this. But the only words that sprang to her lips were the same defense: "But I never said--" 

"Light, woman!" he roared, cutting her off abruptly. "Do not bandy words with me!" 

Out of the corner of her eye, Nyneave saw Egwene and Elayne exchange worried looks. She could guess what they were thinking. Lan was usually the most self-controlled person around, but he was teetering at the breaking point, now. Who knew what he might be capable of? Nyneave checked over herself once more, making sure her face revealed nothing of her true feelings. Her emotions were tangled together inside, a writhing knot. There was uncertainty, of course, and anger, but deeper than that there was a comforting warmth, a great elation that Lan truly cared for her so. Oh, she had known, at least, been most sure of it--But this proved her hopes, her dreams, definitely. Her hands were still on her skirts. 

Her love suddenly seemed to realize just how near that breaking point that he was. With obvious effort, he took hold of himself, calming slightly. Now his eyes only looked like an average hail storm. "I'd not have known where you were off to," He began, perhaps by way of explanation, perhaps stalling for time to compose himself, "if I had not heard that you had ordered a carriage. To take you to a ship bound for Tanchico. I do not know why the Amyrlin allowed you to leave the Tower in the first place, or why Moiraine involved you in questioning Black sisters, but you three are Accepted." Though his face was calmer, now, his voice still held every bit as much of fury as before. "Accepted, not Aes Sedai. Tanchico now is no place for anyone except a full Aes Sedai with a Warder to watch her back. I'll not let you go into that!" 

'_Not let?' _She wondered. She loved the man right down to her boots, but Burn him, he could be just as stubborn as any other man, sometimes! Not that she minded, so much. She liked strong men. Her heart went out to him, and suddenly everything was clear in her mind, watching his determined--yet somehow uncertain--face. She knew what she had to do. She would regret it, but she had done things she had regretted before. She had to do what was right, now. 

"So," Nyneave said lightly, her voice a stark contrast to her heart. "You question Moiraine's decisions, and those of the Amyrlin Seat as well. Perhaps I've misunderstood Warders all along. I thought you swore to accept and obey, among other things." No, that was too hard, too fast; He was beginning to look as if a tidal wave could not move him. She needed to be a bit softer--she wanted to be softer, but not by too much. "Lan, I do understand your concern, and I am grateful--" A little admittance wouldn't hurt, at least, and she paused a moment before adding, "--More than grateful--" Light, her heart wanted to burst through her chest! She stilled her feelings, though. She had to have Aes Sedai calm to the bone. "--but we all have tasks to perform. We are going; you must resign yourself to the fact." 

She caught a faint trace of helplessness in his eyes. Apparently, he was beginning to understand just how determined _she _could be. "Why?" he burst out. "For the love of the Light, at least tell me why! Tanchico!" 

Nyneave's lips twitched, that was all. That was all. "If Moiraine hasn't told you," she murmured gently, "perhaps she has her reasons. We must do our tasks, as you must do yours." Then she braced herself. 

Lan trembled--actually trembled!--and clamped his jaw shut angrily, as if unsure what to say next. Or all too sure on what to say, only hesitant. Lan was never hesitant. Then he spoke. "You will need someone to help you in Tanchico. Someone to keep a Taraboner street thief from slipping a knife into your back for your purse. Tanchico was that sort of city before the war began, and everything I've ever heard says it is worse now. I could . . . I could protect you, Nyneave." 

_That _did it. Everyone else, everything else, faded from her awareness, and she only saw Lan. Inside, she was torn from indecision, even though she knew what she had to do--She had half expected this, but now, with the moment upon her, she wasn't sure if she could continue--and on the outside, she struggled to keep her face blank. 

"Your place is with Moiraine." She said, hoping with everything she was that the words were simple, hoping that her eyes didn't reveal any of her true feelings, hoping that it had seemed that his words hadn't fazed her in the slightest. Her voice may have seemed light, and calm, but it took extreme effort to voice those few, simple words. How she loved him . . . 

"Moiraine." Sweat beaded on the man's forehead, and he, too, struggled with his next words. "I can . . . I must . . . Nyneave, I . . . I . . ." 

Light, this was so hard for her. Burn him! He had to make this so hard! Burn him for making her do this! 

"You _will _remain with Moiraine," She said firmly, sharply, her tone booking no argument, "until she releases you from your bond. You will do as I say." Before she could think about it too carefully, before she could think of yet another reason not to, she pulled that folded paper from her pouch and thrust it into his hands, keeping her eyes away from his face. She didn't dare meet his gaze at that point. She could almost feel the new wave of surprise he got from those words. 

What the bearer does is done at my order and by my authority. Obey, and keep silent, at my command.   
  


_Siuan Sanche_

_Watcher of the Seals_

_Flame of Tar Valon_

_The Amyrlin Seat_   
  


The only other like it rested in Egwene's pouch, though how it would help her where she was going was a mystery. 

"But . . ." Lan protested, finally breaking the silence, "this allows you to do anything you please! You can speak in the Amyrlin's name. Why would she give this to an Accepted?" 

"Ask no questions I cannot answer," Nyneave murmured, then wasn't able to stop a small grin as she said, "Just count yourself lucky I do not ask you to dance for me." 

Egwene made a choking sound of swallowed laughter, obviously remembering what Nyneave had said before. _With this I could make a Warder dance. _Obviously they hadn't missed what Warder she had been referring to. 

"Do you not?" Lan asked quietly, his voice serious. "You dispose of me very neatly. My bond, and my oaths. This letter." Nyneave made a point of not looking too deeply into his eyes as she took back the letter and replaced it in her pouch. 

"You are very full of yourself, al'Lan Mandragoran." She said it almost absently. At least it was over with. Now he would leave and they could get back to packing. "We do as we must, as you will." Nyneave could have bit her tongue when she didn't catch that small bit of reluctance that escaped in her tone. 

Her eyes were focused on her pouch, so of course she didn't see anything until it was too late. 

"Full of myself, Nyneave al'Meara? _I _am full of myself?" She barely caught his movement out of the corner of her eye and looked up in time to gape at him striding towards her, too shocked for a moment to move. Then he picked her up and kissed her. Nyneave simply reacted, fighting as best as she knew how, hammering at him with her fists and kicking at his shins. She was shocked, mostly, not angry, and she didn't even think to be embarrassed. Once she realized that her protests didn't even faze the man, though, she stopped fighting so hard. It wasn't all that bad, anyway. His lips were very soft, perhaps not what was expected from so hard a man . . . She stopped completely and just let herself melt inside, holding onto his shoulders and letting her worries fade away in his strong embrace. 

After a while--Nyneave wasn't sure how long, an eternity, but too short, all the same--Lan set her back on her feet. She tried to gather some semblance of anger, of outrage, but wasn't doing very well as she swayed on her feet. She patted down her hair furiously as if to cover up the sudden flush that filled her cheeks. "You have no right . . ." She began breathlessly, then stopped to swallow. She didn't have to sound as if her head was filled with cotton! A burst of anger and embarrassment colored her words, made them a bit stronger. "I will not be _manhandled _in that fashion for the whole world to see. I will not!" It wasn't that she minded the _action_ so much, of course, it was simply that doing in front of _others . . . _the very thought brought new color to her cheeks. 

"Not the whole world," He replied mildly, and _he _didn't sound as breathless, "But if they can see, they can hear as well." There was no trace of anger in his tone. His voice was filled with an emotion that was much deeper than that. His eyes were even different, as he looked gently into hers. "You have made a place in my heart where I thought there was no room for anything else. You have made flowers grow where I cultivated dust and stones. Remember this, on this journey you insist on making. If you die, I will not survive you long." Then he smiled, presenting her with it's rarity. If it didn't soften his face, it at least made it less hard. "And remember also, I am not always so easily commanded, even with letters from the Amyrlin." He bowed formally, but Nyneave was to dazed to do more then follow him with her eyes. "As you command," Came the murmur, "so do I obey." Maybe he meant it to be mocking. Maybe. It was difficult to tell for certain. 

As soon as the door closed behind him, Nyneave quite literally sunk down onto the bed, her legs giving out from under her. She stared at the door, deep in thought. 

" 'Poke the meekest dog too often,' " Elayne quoted, "and he will bite." There was a hint of dryness to her tone. "Not that Lan is very meek," she added. Nyneave glanced sharply at her and sniffed. 

"He is insufferable," Egwene sighed, "Sometimes he is. Nyneave, why did you do that? He was ready to go with you. I know you want nothing more than to break him free of Moiraine. Do not try to deny it." 

For a moment, Nyneave was still lost in thought, and with some effort finally managed to clear her mind some. She looked at her skirts, fussing with them as she contemplated an answer for Egwene's question. Egwene couldn't understand her whole reason, wouldn't be able to until she herself fell in love. Nyneave settled on saying, "Not like that. I mean him to be mine. All of him. I will not have him remembering a broken oath to Moiraine. I will not have that between us. For him, as well as myself." 

"But," Egwene protested, "will it be any different if you bring him to ask Moiraine to release him from his bond? Lan is the kind of man who would see it as much the same thing." She did not have to sound so matter-of-fact! "All that leaves is to somehow make her let him go of her own accord. How can you manage that?" 

Nyneave winced, managing to hid the expression. Egwene had cut very close to her problem. "I do not know." Her voice was firm. "Yet what must be done, can be done. There is always a way." Dear Light, there just had to be! She had to get them away from the subject. "That is for another time. Work to be done, and we sit here fretting over men. Are you sure you have everything you need for the Waste, Egwene?" 

"Aviendha is readying everything," Egwene confirmed. "She still seems unhappy, but she says we can reach Rhuidean in a little more then a month, if we are lucky. You will be in Tanchico by then . . ."   
  


**(Notes: Lan and Nyneave are my favorite couple. A close second is Rand and Aviendha. **

**Okay, so it's not the whole scene. That was pretty much all the parts with Nyneave and Lan, though. Well, I'm sure you've all read the book, so just go finish it yourselves if you're so curious! ^_~ So, how'd you all like it? Did I waste your time? Is everyone going, "sheesh, I could have just read it in the book and saved time" ? I hope not. *shrugs* I just felt like doing this, so I did, and you guys get to see the fruits of my labor. ^_^ Tell me what you think. Yeah, I know every author says that (We wouldn't be authors if we didn't!) But come on. Take the time. See that little box? Yeah, the review box? Right below these very words? Come on. You can do it. It won't bite.)**


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